can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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