So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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