The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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