I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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