The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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