my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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