I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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