I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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