New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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