Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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