i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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