his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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