Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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