Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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