Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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