she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize