Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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