Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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