Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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