It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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