I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
pray to the hookup gods
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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