The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize