We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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