I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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