I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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