Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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