I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize