She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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