I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize