I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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