i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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