plz talk dirty to me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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