I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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