Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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