Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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