oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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