had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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