I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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