I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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