Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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