and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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