my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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