I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize