i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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