I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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