Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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