You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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