i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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