yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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