I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize