I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
50% drunk capacity currently
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize