Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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